return to oil

heres my savory attempt to return to oil.
after a year of not touching the stuff and over two years not painting a portrait with em..i finally fell back into it.
i wanted to take portraiture with david luce for the longest time but it never fit into my schedule. i kept wandering in and out of the class during my breaks last term.
so much so infact that david mentioned it when i asked him to sit in the class.
"uh yea i remember you coming in and out a lot"
whoops.
anyway today was our first in class painting and it felt so amazing to just sit and paint again.
not FOR anyone but simply doing it for ME.
the smell of the oil..the feeling of making brushstrokes..i had forgotten how much i loved it.
right now i think its the only thing keeping me off the ledge.
that little thing thats maintaining my balance on the cusp of insanity....

so i finally decided i needed to take a term off..
i always thought i would go all the way thru with no breaks but thats insane.
i went 5 straight and im taking spring off..coming back in summer for 6th..fall = 7th..taking spring off and then graduating in the summer of 2010.

i wanted to use this term off to sit in on some classes and work on personal projects and hopefully just...get mo' betta.

and most importantly i really need to chill.
just....
chill.

i feel like my life has been this big blur during the last few years.
i havent had any breaks from school since my freshman year in highschool and that was over 8 years ago.
ive always gone to summer school and i went straight from highschool to jr college to art center.
maybe that wasn't the smartest move after all.
maybe i should have taken some time off to mellow.
iono...i dont really feel TIRED.
but i AM sick of working for other ppl.
im sick of all the assignments and stupid busywork.
im sick of listening to critiques for 5 hours at a time on other ppls work.
im sick of doing bullshit academic classes.
and im sick of being too tired from all of the above to do any work for myself.
i need this 'break' to get my motivation back.
set my priorities straight.

so my schedule looks something like this..

monday: storyboarding 7-10
tuesday: figure drawing at the animation union 10-4
wednesday: background painting 8-1 portraiture 2-7
thursday: dynamic sketching 8-1 digital life 5-10
friday: digital landscape 8-1
saturday: painting workshop

looks heavy for a term off but its only week two and im already over sitting in on background painting and digital life.
theres no point to sit in on background painting since its mostly crits.
and digital life seems like something i can do at home.
also ill probably ease out of digital landscape.
i have to take it eventually anyway.

and to top it off..
right now my energy level is on extra low.
ive been depressed and sleeping as much as i can.
somehow it feels like..if im asleep...then i wont have to worry.
like the moment i wake up...i think....fuck...im back...
i dont have much of an appetite and i think im way vitamin D deprived.
i dont wanna do shit..
but i know i have to..

theres only one thing i want..

loooong rambling. and totally NON ART related.

finally went to the shop and got a much needed tune up on my poor abused car.
i had to wait at mcdonalds for 3 hours.
i brought my computer and wacom and did some homework for style.
man...the people there...ugh...
well...in general people are way stupider than i ever thought.
anyway...
i got this little gizmo on my way home.


x-acto verticle electronic pencil sharpener.

if you dont have one..GET ONE..
how did i EVER live without this thing???
i feel like ive been breaking pencils on purpose just to hear that familiar whirl.
panasonic can kiss my ass.
ive cleared a permanent spot for this bad boy on my table.

yes so scholarship week is finally over.
gone. finished. dead. tupac.
i was up for a few days trying to pull my typical last minute bullshit.
yea yea yea i get it.
do it sooner.
whatever.
when im in that frantic mode the LAST FUCKING thing i wanna hear is "why'd you wait til the last minute?"
uhhh.
cuz im a glutton for agonizing sleep deprived crusty eyelids.
im not blaming anyone.
its my own fault.
i already know that.
i dont need to hear it from anyone else.


soo..
halloween was a total waste for me.
after this disgusting week my internal clock had an unrecoverable aneurism and decided to sleep thru the rest of the fucking week!
i was up sunday..monday..tuesday..until wednesday around 1pm.
i missed my morning class but i thought..ill just rest my eyes a little til my afternoon class.
i didnt wake up til like 2am.
i was so confused.
i missed thursday because..well quite frankly i didnt feel proud of my homework for that class and i respect my teacher too much to bring him half assed work.
even if it means skipping a day.
so i stayed home and worked.
but thursday night was clouded with my own bullshit relationship problems and i couldnt fucking sleep til 5.
but i was SO prepared to goto my friday class.
the class is 130-530 and i woke up at 3.
aghaoerghao;erhago;erhtog;eritareta!!!!
needless to say i done FUCKED up week 8.
royally.

AND

i got a new alarm clock.
that old piece of shit was NOT doing its job.
it was like the equivalent of middle school mornings when my mom would peep in and go "pssst. are u awake?" hmm-mmm.
and thats it.


weekend flew by.
lots of staying home.
i made pancakes.
they were yummy.
no halloween for me.
although after seeing all the post party pictures on facebook i dont think i missed much.
lots of hoes in hoe gear.
course im one to talk considering my costume made me look like a big shiny disco ball.
i thought it looked stripper inspired.
but my mom loved it.
i guess ill take that as a bad call on taste but a good call on level of whore.
i had to match him =)
it was a mardi gras party so we did a roarin 20s theme.
mobster + flapper
he wore a [niiiiice] pinstripe suit with a fedora.
he looked so stylin!
it was his own tailored suit so it didnt even look like a costume.
it just looked like what he happened to be wearing that day.
anyway it was a fun night.
he can dance!
who knew!
ha =)

so its week 9 and i have to play ketchup on all the classes i skipped last week.
ugh.
i hate it i hate it!

more all nighters.
lucky i have ray lamontagne and jakob dylan to keep me company alllll night =)

pancake.

mee meee meeeee.

havent touched my acrylics in over 6 months.
it shows. =/.

it figures..

lag

well i guess i neglected this thing long enough.
so to catch up to speed...

term 4 ended.
break started.
break ended.
and term 5 started today.

my schedule:

monday: off
tuesday: 8-1 creative perspective
wednesday: 9-1 image and idea [im pretty sure its 8-1 but it says 9 on my schedule so im showing up at 9.] 2-7 style
thursday: 8-1 color theory for entertainment
friday: 130-530 language of the moving image
saturday: class at LAAFA

oh and for the rest of the month ill be painting kiddies faces at south coast plaza on weekends.

break went by fast as usual.
nothing big was going on.
went to two dodger games.
going to my last one of the season on the 20th.
i heart manny ramirez! go 99!

i need to goto bed -_-.
i shouldnt have taken that nap when i got home from class. siiigh.
my hairs still wet =/
man...i wanna cut it.
i should cut it.
but im way too attached to it.

more updates with pictures soon..


blah.

buble is the man.

everything - michael buble


youre a fallen star
youre the getaway car
youre the line in the sand when i go too far
youre the swimming pool on an august day
and youre the perfect thing to say
and you play your card
but its kinda cute
oh when you smile at me you know exactly what you do
baby dont pretend that you dont know its true
cause you can see it when i look at you

and in this crazy life
and through these crazy times its you its you
you made me sing
youre every line
youre every word
youre everything

youre a carousel
youre a wishing well
and you light me up when you ring my bell
youre a mystery
youre from outer space
youre every minute for every day
and i cant believe that im your man
and i get to kiss you baby just because i can
whatever comes our way oh we'll see it through
and you know thats what our love can do






on repeat non stop.
for no good reason other than its an amazing song.
and maybe im a glutton for my own wicked lonliness.
sigh.
im no ones swimming pool =/.



[ cept maybe Ks =D thanks for listening to all my woes and boozing with me. yay for girls night. ]

drama queen.

mauricio sorta called me that today because i flipped out when i found out art of research is no longer required to graduate.
i then proceeded to tell some friends and i guess ruin their day as well -_-.
haha sorry!
well i am NOT being over dramatic.
and alex knows exactly what im talking about so ill leave it at that.
believe me i know when im hamming shit up and being overly dramatic.
i dont do it for attention.
i do it because if i dont it'll eat me up inside out.
and also sometimes i admit i cant deal with my emotions very well so in turn i tend to over react to avoid further analyzing.
it works really well in fact.
if im depressed and dont really know why its so much easier to get really angry at something that pisses me off than to deal with why im so fucking depressed.
its just easier to deal with black and white emotions right?
happy. angry. hungry.
much easier to cope with than 'sad'
i dont care if it IS a defense mechanism.
ill admit to it.
so call me drama queen or attention whore or whatever fucked up thing you want.
i dont need to justify myself to anyone.

[ and im not mad at mauricio haha ]


my final layout for sketching.
project was to take a common household item and turn it into some sorta building.
whatever.
you can figure it out.


2 hr drapery study assignment i just finished an hour ago.
cept my 2 hrs was compacted conveniently into 30 minutes.
i left my artbin in my locker so i was frantically searching for a pencil at home.
i cant believe i have NO charcoal or conte pencils of any kind at home.
i found the 2 inch stub of an old polychromo in the bottom of my drawer and just had to deal with it.
and the white was a prisma verithin i never used.


i havent done a head in a LONG while so i thought i would go to workshop on saturday morning.
for some reason i thought there was a painting one in the morning.
yea there wasnt -_-.
but i did do a 40 minute of louise.
i definitely will be back this week.
i need SO much practice.


40 min from mondays class.




i thought id put up pix of my bday presents =D
just cuz im a big show off with no shame.

oswald shirt.
oh its so perfect.
so me.
if you've never seen an oswald cartoon you muuuust.
they are hilarious.


mickey throw.
perfect for the hot weather.
and i love it because its classic mickey =)

and my favorite one.
light up musical snowglobe.
it plays the ballroom song! =)

yea ok i KNOW im a nerd.
OBVIOUSLY i dont care!
how effin EASY am i to shop for?
if ever a doubt..as long as its got a mickey on it ill love it.
thanks daddy =)




ive been trying to deck out my turtle tank but the little shit has grown twice his size in the last two months and now i have to get a bigger tank -_-.
arg.

meet Tar Tar.
my only friend.
the only one that listens to my bullshit at the end of the day.



he waits for me to come home and then proceeds to follow me around the room in his tank and beg me for food.
he eats shrimp from my hand.
and he makes weird bubbly water drip noises.
sounds like 'doink'.
that shit freaked me out the first time i heard it.
my turtle talks =D




oh ok heres a pickle.
ever since our cafeteria went 'green'
shit costs more.
and it takes me like an hour to throw something away because i have to 'organize' my garbage into the correct trash reciprocals.
and the spoons melt in my soup.
and the knives wont cut.
they just bend awkwardly into my chicken.
jeez.
and water costs 50 cents.
lols.
just an fyi.
its been done before.
the school went green a while back and then people complained about all of thee above and we went right back to wastin and pollutin.
i wonder how long this shit will run this time.


snooze time.
12 hr day. -_-