heres my savory attempt to return to oil.
after a year of not touching the stuff and over two years not painting a portrait with em..i finally fell back into it.
i wanted to take portraiture with david luce for the longest time but it never fit into my schedule. i kept wandering in and out of the class during my breaks last term.
so much so infact that david mentioned it when i asked him to sit in the class.
"uh yea i remember you coming in and out a lot"
anyway today was our first in class painting and it felt so amazing to just sit and paint again.
not FOR anyone but simply doing it for ME.
the smell of the oil..the feeling of making brushstrokes..i had forgotten how much i loved it.
right now i think its the only thing keeping me off the ledge.
that little thing thats maintaining my balance on the cusp of insanity....
so i finally decided i needed to take a term off..
i always thought i would go all the way thru with no breaks but thats insane.
i went 5 straight and im taking spring off..coming back in summer for 6th..fall = 7th..taking spring off and then graduating in the summer of 2010.
i wanted to use this term off to sit in on some classes and work on personal projects and hopefully just...get mo' betta.
and most importantly i really need to chill.
i feel like my life has been this big blur during the last few years.
i havent had any breaks from school since my freshman year in highschool and that was over 8 years ago.
ive always gone to summer school and i went straight from highschool to jr college to art center.
maybe that wasn't the smartest move after all.
maybe i should have taken some time off to mellow.
iono...i dont really feel TIRED.
but i AM sick of working for other ppl.
im sick of all the assignments and stupid busywork.
im sick of listening to critiques for 5 hours at a time on other ppls work.
im sick of doing bullshit academic classes.
and im sick of being too tired from all of the above to do any work for myself.
i need this 'break' to get my motivation back.
set my priorities straight.
so my schedule looks something like this..
monday: storyboarding 7-10
tuesday: figure drawing at the animation union 10-4
wednesday: background painting 8-1 portraiture 2-7
thursday: dynamic sketching 8-1 digital life 5-10
friday: digital landscape 8-1
saturday: painting workshop
looks heavy for a term off but its only week two and im already over sitting in on background painting and digital life.
theres no point to sit in on background painting since its mostly crits.
and digital life seems like something i can do at home.
also ill probably ease out of digital landscape.
i have to take it eventually anyway.
and to top it off..
right now my energy level is on extra low.
ive been depressed and sleeping as much as i can.
somehow it feels like..if im asleep...then i wont have to worry.
like the moment i wake up...i think....fuck...im back...
i dont have much of an appetite and i think im way vitamin D deprived.
i dont wanna do shit..
but i know i have to..
theres only one thing i want..